in this break of time

it was a long time for my break..
from my previous post of course..

i'm back..
and the exam semester also comes together..
yeah, we're like a true companion..
wherever i am, there it was..
so sweet,
isn't it?

this semester was going to end..
i can say that it was a short period of time..
as i think i just complained on my friend not so long before,
on why did my semester start first..
and now it have come to end..

in this period of time,
i'm deal and communicate a lot with new people
and it was very interesting

though actually, it was not a new people..
as they are always in my surrounding,
but we're not that close,
so i can say it was new people for me as i just knowing their presence..
hehe..
sorry for those people..

this clinical year was tough than before.
i can say that, it need more stronger heart than knowledge..
hmm,
how to put it in words..
the knowledge can be gain in everywhere,same goes like in pre-clinical years..
but in clinical years,
you face the doctors, specialist, patient, community who expect you to know everything(though you are not actually)
so, the things like get mad by the specialist,
get ignored by the nurses and patients,
the harsh words thrown to you,
and the trauma after the long case examination are common.
of course the students experienced that at least once..
(kalau ada sesape yang xpernah rasa situasi itu, itu sangatlah WOW)

but actually everything pun depends on yourself..
to stand up back after all the bad situation comes to you..
to increase their effort and comes again with a high spirit.
that's why i'm saying you need to have a stronger heart to face all this situation..
nothing comes easy,man.
and ''no one can make you feel inferior without your consent''.

InsyaAllah, if what we do are all because for the purpose of Allah,
things are getting easier..
kena marah dengan doctor pun boleh senyum lagi..
kena reject dengan patient pun boleh datang lagi borak dengan patient.
( ke saya ni memang x de perasaan malu)
=.=

after all what happen,
it was a good experience..
not just because to be good in this work.
but also as a human being..
it helps to get me more stronger than before..
and remember that at the time i am hopeless,helpless, and no one can help me,
Allah always there for you..
InsyaAllah..


p/s:
yesterday i just got phone called from my patient's son,
saying my patient have no longer here..
Innalillahi wainnalillahiraji'un..

i was speechless at that time..
this is my first time facing this..
i mean, my first patient that i'm facing the situation like this..
and i remember how she was so active and very warm to us welcoming to her house.
her smile, it was very warm.
semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat..
Al-Fatihah..

selamat kembali ya Ramadhan..

mempersiapkan diri untuk menyambut Ramadhan..

semoga dipermudahkan segala urusan sepanjang bulan ini..
inilah masa untuk merawat segala kelukaan dan kekotoran hati yang dilakukan..
kita cuba yang terbaik..
redha Allah jualah yang kita harapkan..

grab this chance..
as we don't know do we have chance for the next ramadhan..
Subhanallah..
Maha Suci Allah..


"Kami memohon taubat kepada-Mu ya Allah,
Kami kembali kepada-Mu ya Allah,
Kami sesungguhnya menyesal atas perbuatan maksiat yang pernah kami lakukan"

loss..

the energy was drained away..
the spirit becoming shadow..
the focus loss it's sight..
the confidence loss it's ability..

Allah,please give me strength..

don't let me down so easily..

don't let me loss control of myself..
let me pass all of this with the Hikmah..

it's a running time with an adventure

it's getting tough everyday..
it's like a real new different world there..

i remember that the doctor said it
"in this 8 weeks you're gonna really had the toughest,hardest environment..but as long as it does not cause you to die, it's alright cause it will make you become tougher than before you are"

that's a really scary advice, yet it's quite burning my spirit too..

although it just only less than a week,we've entered the clinical years,
but i felt like this field have really give me many things to learn..
it's not all about medicine..
it's all about people..

it's not that you are find the disease,
but you're also find the humanity..

from there i can find there are many interesting things to learn..
because i'm meeting various type of person..
and i can get close to people which i cannot do before..

some of them are really give me a good advice..
to help us..
and even wish for our best..

it's really moving your heart,you know..
when people that you just approach said that he's wish for the best for us..
maybe because i felt like the one that giving me advice and all that treating us like their grandchild..

and you'll learn from there too,
that healthy is really a blessing given from God to us..
because when you are sick,there's nothing that you can do..

and some of them really is a positive thinker..
that they can said
"this sickness is one of  the way from Allah for us to cleansing our sins"

i mean there's really people that tough,
that they can accept their sickness..
and InsyaAllah, Allah gives a better things to them..

InsyaAllah i'm really need to work harder than before..
(i think most of the time i'm in pre-clinical student before, i'm only sleeping and not work harder) =_=

so,right now,i'll be running and running and running most of the time..

yet,everything is given from Allah,
and will be back to Allah..

that's the point that i should not forget all through this life..

let's do our best for this syaaban and coming ramadhan :)

it's time to move on..

as the title above,
it's time to move on,
get out from your comfort zone.
that's what I wanna said to myself actually.

everything's seemed not challenging..
have I lost already the passionate and the spirit? =_=

I guess it's true when people said,
life is just like a wheel (huh,betul ke ni?)

sometime you go up, and sometime you're down..
things not gonna stay forever..

I really need to burn out this spirit..
and this song's really mean what I felt right now..

Fighting song by Arashi :

It's always good to go your way.
It's also better not to question it.
You are going to restart again, right?
You look good like this.

People are people, you are who you are.
When you compare yourself, you will be defeated.
You have the strength not to lose.
So you can break through any walls.

It's good to cry sometimes.
It's alright to show some weaknesses,
but do not get stuck there!
You can still achieve the dream you had before.

No matter how many words there are,
one word is enough.
First of all, try to take a step forward by yourself.
"Do your best." It's good to be simple.





yoshi!


sometime I do really felt down when i'm comparing myself to others.
but then..
I start to realize..
people are people, you are who you are
if we just keep comparing to others,
we will never go anywhere.. 


since I start this path,
I have already challenge myself to walk through it..
so I'm gonna do it till the end.
InsyaAllah..


and still everything on this earth is own by Allah..
He knows what's good on me..
I believe He have put me in all this condition and surrounding to make me more stronger so that I'll be able to face a more challenging environment..


move on,
don't get stuck there too long,
try to see a bright side at a different angle in whatever situation you are.
then you can solve the problems.

writing back after survive from exam..

Dengan nama Allah Yang Maha Pemurah, Maha Panyayang...

Alhamdulillah..

Segala Puji bagi Allah...

berakhir sudah salah satu ujian yang dihadapi..

terima kasih Ya Allah kerana masih beri saya peluang mencuba dalam peperiksaan ini..

Alhamdulillah..

dalam ujian ini juga banyak pengajaran yang diberikan..

it may looks a simple-only-a-professional-examination..

but hidden inside there always a tsunami that people can't read outside..

in this 2 weeks for preparation for the exam,

I'm trying to focus on my study and trying my best to at least revise the things that I have learned..

and suddenly one day,

I've got one call  from my sister..

and she told me that my brother got an accident..

and he's being unconscious in one whole day..

his face is quite bad and as I'm being told he's fall on his head first.

that's a really shocking news I get

in the middle of becoming zombie for the examination things..

and this thing happen..

really..

maybe my sister can heard my voice really calm..

but she really doesn't know that there's already a storm and tsunami inside of me...

and at that time I really wanna go back..

and see him..

but I can't..

and during that time,

saya hanya berdoa kepada Allah semoga Allah ampunkan dosa-dosanya

dan beri cahaya ke dalam hatinya..

sentuhlah hatinya..

beri kekuatan dalam jiwanya..

saya tak tahu adakah ketenangan ini suatu anugerah yang Allah beri pada saya..

mungkin ianya adalah anugerah..

Alhamdulillah setakat ni dalam ujian-ujian yang diberikan pada saya,

saya masih dapat menenangkan diri

dan berfikir untuk menyelesaikan dahulu sebelum panik dan risau.

I wonder is this related with my emotionless personality..

or this heart is already become fibrosis with all the hurt and inflammation ,

and it become no more response on other stimulus..

apapun, 

Alhamdulillah Allah masih beri ketenangan dalam diri menghadapi semua ujian

walaupun dalam hati ini Allah sahajalah yang tahu bergelodak nya kerisauan..

Alhamdulillah..

I'm start changing myself lately..

that people can almost tell that I'm differ than before..

maybe because I'm start to isolate myself..

after some misunderstanding with my closed friends..

and at that time I start to realize this heart is longing for something..

it is not the same heart like before I am...

Alhamdulillah Allah masih memberi cahaya dalam hati ini

dan akhirnya saya faham apa yang hilang dalam hati saya..

saya hilang rasa dekat pada Allah...

saya rasa saya semakin jauh dari Nya...

hati saya rasa kosong...

mungkin luarannya people can still see me the same one..

but only the person itself knows there is something wrong inside..

Allahuakbar..

Allah Maha Besar...

Allah sahaja yg memegang hati hati kita...

Alhamdulillah hati ini masih disentuh Nya..

masih menghalang saya dari pergi jauh dari Nya...

saya cuba keluar dari jahiliyyah diri..

cuba untuk bersabar atas pandangan mereka atas perubahan saya..

(mungkin mereka terkejut dengan perubahan saya)

Alhamdulillah masih ada yg memberi galakan untuk saya terus melakukan perjuangan untuk berubah kerana Nya..

walaupun beberapa yang lain mula menjauhi...

saya Redha..

saya tahu Allah sentiasa bersama saya..

selalu mendengar rintihan saya..

dan Allah lah yang sangat dekat dengan saya..

masih memberi peluang untuk berubah..

Alhamdulillah..

pada waktu ini baru saya rasa kesusahan perjuangan mereka yang menegakkan Islam..

mungkin selama ini saya hanya dengar dan tahu,

tapi tidak pernah merasakannya..

walaupun perjuangan ini bukanlah sesusah zaman Rasulullah S.A.W. 

but believe me 

to get outside from something that you are used to and become a habit,

it's really hard..

because that NAFSU + SYAITAN that you need to fight..

to always encourage you to do something wrong...

hanya mereka yang mampu mengawal nafsu dan marahnya adalah orang yang paling kuat..

dan kekuatan itu hanya datang dari Allah..

Alhamdulillah...

moga Allah kuatkan hati saya

dalam istiqamah melakukan sesuatu perkara..

Segala Puji bagi Allah

yang masih memberi saya peluang mendekati Nya..

"Dan sungguh, Kami telah menciptakan manusia dan mengetahui apa yang dibisikkan oleh hatinya, dan Kami lebih dekat kepadanya daripada urat lehernya" [Surah Qaf ; ayat 16]

semoga Allah sentiasa menjaga hati-hati kita semua..

InsyaAllah..

musibah atau Hikmah?

Dengan nama Allah Yang Maha Pengasih, Maha Penyayang...

Assalamualaikum...

pada hari Jumaat yang mulia ini,

iaitu penghulu segala hari..

semoga Allah merahmati dan semakin bertambah iman di hati..

lately,

I've become quite sensitive,

yet it get me stronger..

Alhamdulillah mungkin hati ini semakin menjadi lembut dengan sentuhan Nya..

rasa masih disayangi Nya...

masih sentiasa mendengar pengaduanku..

masih selalu memujukku dengan kalam Allah di dalam Al Quran..

betullah apa yg dikatakan..

sesuatu musibah atau ujian itu adalah tanda kasih sayang Nya..

tidakkah kita terfikir..

bagaimana sesuatu yang menyedihkan itu mungkin menjadi kekuatan dalam diri?

let's think..

this is what i'm always saying to myself...

we would face many things in our way to reach the last day we are in this Earth...

yet we don't know what comes toward us..

is it the good thing or a bad thing... 

but as long as you have something that you can hold on in whatever situation you have,

then InsyaAllah you can survive on what you are doing..

and what you can hold on is actually Allah..

iaitu pencipta kita..

Tuhan Yang Maha Esa..

Yang Mengetahui segalanya tentang kita lebih dari diri kita sendiri..

"Tuhanmu lebih mengetahui tentang kamu.jika Dia mengkehendaki, niscaya Dia akan memberi rahmat kepadamu, dan jika Dia mengkehendaki , pasti Dia akan mengazabmu. Dan Kami tidaklah mengutusmu (Muhammad) untuk menjadi penjaga mereka"
[Surah Al-Isra', ayat 54]

Subhanallah...

sering kali kita lupa bila kita rasa sedih,

rasa keseorangan di bumi Allah ini,

rasa tak tahu apa yang harus dilakukan seterusnya,

rasa takut atas sesuatu..

bukankah kita masih ada Allah?

mintalah segalanya...

kembalilah kepada Nya...

sesungguh Nya Allah sentiasa menginginkan hamba-hamba Nya kembali bertaubat pada Nya,

dan mengharap pada Nya dalam apa jua pun keadaan...

"Cukuplah hanya Allah bagiku,

tiada Tuhan melainkan Nya,

hanya pada Nya ku berserah,

dan Dialah Tuhan yang memiliki Arasy Yang Besar"

itulah jawapannya,

bagaimana dengan kesedihan menjadi kekuatan..

kerana pada waktu itu kita rasa sedih, lemah, keseorangan, tak mampu..

pada waktu itulah kita rasa bahawa kita masih ada Allah di sisi kita..

yang tak pernah meninggalkan kita..

pada waktu itulah Dia menyentuh hati kita..

pada waktu itulah kita rasa kita tiada apa melainkan Allah..

pada waktu itulah kita rasakan diri ini hamba dan kita masih mempunyai Tuhan..

rasakanlah getaran hati sewaktu membaca Al-Quran..

kerana jika hati kita masih bergetar, tandanya masih ada iman dalam diri kita..

semoga Allah tabahkan hati ini dalam menghadapi apa jua ujian..

jika di dalam hati kamu ada Allah, kamu akan dapat segalanya..

jika di dalam hati kamu tiada Allah, kamu tidak akan dapat suatu pun...

sesungguhnya kebahagiaan sebenar itu adalah hati yang tenang dan sentiasa rindu akan Tuhannya...

InsyaAllah...

dunia hanya sementara..

"Apa yang ada di sisimu akan lenyap, dan apa yang ada di sisi Allah adalah kekal. Dan Kami pasti akan memberi balasan kepada orang yang sabar dengan pahala yang lebih baik dari apa yang telah mereka kerjakan"

[Surah An-Nahl; ayat 96]

Subhanallah...

and the toughers get going

"When the going gets tough,
the toughers get going,
the quitters  never win,
and the winners never quit"


there it is..
approach us closer..
the examination..

and things getting tension...
around us..
yet,i still can't feel the stress yet...
maybe this is one of the bad thing to be an expressionless person..

anyway,
i think everything we have in this world will be tested on...
one day it will...

and yet,the preparation still need to be done...

don't give up on it right now...
endure it..
because at the end, people that always be patient on what they doing will be granted with things that have higher values than right now...

sentiasa bersabar dan betulkan niat kembali dalam apa jua yg kita lakukan setiap hari, setiap detik..
betulkan niat kita kerana pahala pekerjaan itu ditentukan oleh niatnya..
InsyaAllah..

"Sesungguhnya Kami telah menjadikan apa yang ada di bumi sebagai perhiasan baginya, untuk Kami menguji mereka, siapakah di antaranya yang terbaik perbuatannya"
[Al-Kahf, ayat ke-7]

in every moment,remember it close to ur heart..

In these days...
I realize this thing...
the condition around me...
it's getting hot
and a lot of misunderstanding happen
between most of my friend here...

I don't know is this related with our close-coming-the-big-professional-preclinical examination..
(what a long name...pheww)
or anything else...

maybe the progesterone hormone is the one that make people getting hot..
as it causes increases in basal body temperature...
okay this one risk factor still can be considerate what. (=_=)"

or is it just us that become miserable by our own self...
and give the effect of that to people around us...

shouldn't be like that lah dear...
it's because they are the people that close to us,
and loving us...
it doesn't mean that we need to release everything to them,right?

I believe things will gonna be better..
by always thinking positive...
and remember that Allah is always with us...
ingatlah pada Allah, InsyaAllah hati kan menjadi tenang...

"pada saat gembira, pujilah Allah,
 pada saat sulit, carilah Allah,
 pada saat tenang, beribadahlah kepada Allah,
 pada saat duka, percayalah terhadap Allah..
 dalam setiap saat, bersyukurlah dan ingatlah pada Allah
 InsyaAllah hidup diberkati oleh-Nya.."






p/s:
just remember that we just got another 2 months
before we may get separated
when we reach clinical year..

it really makes me miss all the moment here,
with  the people here,
the scenery here..
and the sky that I always look up in the morning with my steps to reach the lecture hall.

really loves that moment...

to know and to understand thing..

Alhamdulillah, I've understood something again..

for every little things that happen to us..

for every what we need to do..

for every things that just happen to us..
the happy one,
the sad one..

for every decision that we need to make..
the smaller one,
the bigger one..

is always based on Allah..
hanyalah untuk mendapat keredaan Nya...

it looks simple isn't it?
maybe some of us had already learn this thing since small at school and by our parents...

like me...
the 'me' on my childhood is always a little girl with shyness..
with many thought that unexplainable...
every things happen surrounds me seems interesting and weird...
it just like I'm entering another world...

and the thing like 'what i need to do next' will never get crossed my mind...
because at that time I'm always have my mother around that can always answer most of my weird question...
all over and over again...
without bored she answered that thing...

and I realized when I'm still a child, things to be learn is always easily to understand...
it's just like a sponge that absorbs the water...
I bet most of us is the same like me at that time..

here,
the 'me' right now is kinda lost and always in confusing...
sometime the thing that I've already knew before can be something that I just understand and realize right now...

that's the differences..
to know and to understand..
it can't reach our heart..
with the thing that we know but we can't understand it...
because there will be an interruption of the information that we just get...

it just like a student that only memorize things inside the book right before the exam,
but when it comes to practical, none of the thing she read comes out to be present...

yes,I'm talking about myself...
things to change...
InsyaAllah...

with that,
I came to understand that when things come that makes me unsure and confused,
I need to refer back to Allah...
the One who creates me,
and the One that understand me the most...

kerana hanya Dia yang Maha Mengetahui atas setiap perkara yg berlaku...

p/s:
Alhamdulillah,result sem lepas sudah keluar..
hanya padaNya ku panjatkan kesyukuran..
sebab kalau nak diikutkan memang undefinable nak jawab exam yg lepas...
it's too unexpected question...
memang berserah sahaja...

Alhamdulillah, mungkin result ni juga sebagai ujian untuk menyedarkan bahawa saya bukan keseorangan dalam berusaha...
Allah sentiasa ada memberi petunjuk :)