expression-less

if only i can express myself well,
things will not be too hard, eh?
doshite?

this expression-less face can sometime be useful,
but sometimes it can cause more misunderstanding for others.
how to have more expression?
do i need to learn it from the anime?
=_=

random thought tonight before a new posting begin tomorrow..
here comes the child world in the paediatric posting..
but, the examination is still hard like the others..
it always give me a post-traumatic and cardiac shock.

this is me after the examination

epilogue of prologue

all those who play on the field will have tasted defeat,

there's no player in this world who had not lost before,

however,

the BEST player will give everything he's got to stand up again,

the ORDINARY players take a while to get back on their feet,

while LOSER will remain flat on the field.

-Darrel Royal,former American footballplayer and coach-

(taken from Eye Shield 21 manga)

today was not one of my best, but still the experience teach me the best.

be strong, start running forward yuzuki. 

don't get trap inside it

your past, presence and future.
that is the period of time which all of us will be experience.
it also will be a period of time that people may trap inside it.

your past.
people may experience at least one big sad memories from their past which give them scar till now.
some of them may not be able to break and past over their past and being haunted by it till now.
but some may be able to.
those scary, sadness and hatred past,
when we keep thinking about it, we will go no where.
it will only makes people to be more weak.
thus, the first thing to do is let it pass and be forgiving to those that give you that scar.
forgive them is the best solution and you will realize that to hate someone is very exhausting thing to do.
said to yourself every night before you are going to sleep, "i forgive all those people who makes me sad, angry and miserable today and may Allah bless all of us".
if we had lost something or someone that was so precious to us, don't forget to pray " may Allah give me a better thing than this lost".
InsyaAllah.

your presence.
everyday we keep on experienced more and more things to be done, to be responsible to, to be more mature in our action and others.
in some point of time, we will get tired of this and just to get over with it we do other thing that we think may help us to forget the burden, but at the end bring us to have more problem.
some time, when we have a problem, we think that, "oh, my life is over", "i shouldn't do this and that", "now i just felt to sleep forever" (eh, is it exaggerated? =.=)
but we forgot that, before we experience this problem, we've experienced other problem that we once said the same thing like we said now.
and we forgot Allah is the one that help us solves the problem when we felt like "this is the end".
so, when you felt those feeling of hopeless, helpless, useless (and other less) remember, you still have Allah, the One that who still with you all the time.

your future.
everyone had dreams ( i guess at least a dream of to not get fat, though i eat a lot  )
sometime, we always afraid of the future.
we afraid if we cannot achieve our goal,
afraid of the result,
afraid of those doctors (is this consider?)
afraid of tomorrow.
but remember who is the one that hold our tomorrow?
it is Allah.
we may be say, " i will certain to do those things tomorrow", but we forget to say "InsyaAllah".
so, put our hope and trust  to Allah, to give us chance to improve our self and cleanse our sins.

so, our past, presence and future had been made by Allah.
to let it be in a good or bad way it's our choice.
don't get trap inside of only certain period of time and not moving anywhere.

use our past to help us be more matured in our action,
use our presence to use it wisely and to improve ourselves everyday,
use our future to hope that Allah will give us the best and chance to cleanse our sins.
InsyaAllah..

back to where you belong.

what is the hardest journey in your life?

is it the journey during your childhood..

or during teenager, which most of us start to find the meaning of this life.

or during the adult, with maybe a busy life you'll have and a lot of responsibilities.

guess what?
i think it was during the time we came into this world.

during the child birth.


it was the hardest journey i've seen..

it was a climax period where it involves the mother and the child's lives..
and if there is a small complication it can affect both lives..
the diameter of mother's pelvic should be wide enough for the baby to delivered.

when i see the mother was struggled to give birth to their children,
it was so unbearable to see.
on how they need to wait in about 8 hours before the birth canal is open for the baby to delivered..
and the hardest part is when the head of the baby need to be delivered..
as the head is the largest and hardest part in the delivery process, it need to get move out first..
and that is when the mother really struggle to push the baby out..

Subhanallah, by just watching how the process of delivery in the labour room will make you see the Greatness of Allah..

how the small creature was born from the mother..
and then being so an amazing creature Allah has made..
the human..


after all the struggling and crying in pain, the mother can still smile after see her baby..
Subhanallah..

how tough all the mother are..
that's why we need to always remember our mom and never make they sad..

so, have you called your mom today and ask how they feel?
are they healthy?
are they happy?
if not, try to make they happy..
if they are no longer here, pray for them..

in this break of time

it was a long time for my break..
from my previous post of course..

i'm back..
and the exam semester also comes together..
yeah, we're like a true companion..
wherever i am, there it was..
so sweet,
isn't it?

this semester was going to end..
i can say that it was a short period of time..
as i think i just complained on my friend not so long before,
on why did my semester start first..
and now it have come to end..

in this period of time,
i'm deal and communicate a lot with new people
and it was very interesting

though actually, it was not a new people..
as they are always in my surrounding,
but we're not that close,
so i can say it was new people for me as i just knowing their presence..
hehe..
sorry for those people..

this clinical year was tough than before.
i can say that, it need more stronger heart than knowledge..
hmm,
how to put it in words..
the knowledge can be gain in everywhere,same goes like in pre-clinical years..
but in clinical years,
you face the doctors, specialist, patient, community who expect you to know everything(though you are not actually)
so, the things like get mad by the specialist,
get ignored by the nurses and patients,
the harsh words thrown to you,
and the trauma after the long case examination are common.
of course the students experienced that at least once..
(kalau ada sesape yang xpernah rasa situasi itu, itu sangatlah WOW)

but actually everything pun depends on yourself..
to stand up back after all the bad situation comes to you..
to increase their effort and comes again with a high spirit.
that's why i'm saying you need to have a stronger heart to face all this situation..
nothing comes easy,man.
and ''no one can make you feel inferior without your consent''.

InsyaAllah, if what we do are all because for the purpose of Allah,
things are getting easier..
kena marah dengan doctor pun boleh senyum lagi..
kena reject dengan patient pun boleh datang lagi borak dengan patient.
( ke saya ni memang x de perasaan malu)
=.=

after all what happen,
it was a good experience..
not just because to be good in this work.
but also as a human being..
it helps to get me more stronger than before..
and remember that at the time i am hopeless,helpless, and no one can help me,
Allah always there for you..
InsyaAllah..


p/s:
yesterday i just got phone called from my patient's son,
saying my patient have no longer here..
Innalillahi wainnalillahiraji'un..

i was speechless at that time..
this is my first time facing this..
i mean, my first patient that i'm facing the situation like this..
and i remember how she was so active and very warm to us welcoming to her house.
her smile, it was very warm.
semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat..
Al-Fatihah..

selamat kembali ya Ramadhan..

mempersiapkan diri untuk menyambut Ramadhan..

semoga dipermudahkan segala urusan sepanjang bulan ini..
inilah masa untuk merawat segala kelukaan dan kekotoran hati yang dilakukan..
kita cuba yang terbaik..
redha Allah jualah yang kita harapkan..

grab this chance..
as we don't know do we have chance for the next ramadhan..
Subhanallah..
Maha Suci Allah..


"Kami memohon taubat kepada-Mu ya Allah,
Kami kembali kepada-Mu ya Allah,
Kami sesungguhnya menyesal atas perbuatan maksiat yang pernah kami lakukan"

loss..

the energy was drained away..
the spirit becoming shadow..
the focus loss it's sight..
the confidence loss it's ability..

Allah,please give me strength..

don't let me down so easily..

don't let me loss control of myself..
let me pass all of this with the Hikmah..

it's a running time with an adventure

it's getting tough everyday..
it's like a real new different world there..

i remember that the doctor said it
"in this 8 weeks you're gonna really had the toughest,hardest environment..but as long as it does not cause you to die, it's alright cause it will make you become tougher than before you are"

that's a really scary advice, yet it's quite burning my spirit too..

although it just only less than a week,we've entered the clinical years,
but i felt like this field have really give me many things to learn..
it's not all about medicine..
it's all about people..

it's not that you are find the disease,
but you're also find the humanity..

from there i can find there are many interesting things to learn..
because i'm meeting various type of person..
and i can get close to people which i cannot do before..

some of them are really give me a good advice..
to help us..
and even wish for our best..

it's really moving your heart,you know..
when people that you just approach said that he's wish for the best for us..
maybe because i felt like the one that giving me advice and all that treating us like their grandchild..

and you'll learn from there too,
that healthy is really a blessing given from God to us..
because when you are sick,there's nothing that you can do..

and some of them really is a positive thinker..
that they can said
"this sickness is one of  the way from Allah for us to cleansing our sins"

i mean there's really people that tough,
that they can accept their sickness..
and InsyaAllah, Allah gives a better things to them..

InsyaAllah i'm really need to work harder than before..
(i think most of the time i'm in pre-clinical student before, i'm only sleeping and not work harder) =_=

so,right now,i'll be running and running and running most of the time..

yet,everything is given from Allah,
and will be back to Allah..

that's the point that i should not forget all through this life..

let's do our best for this syaaban and coming ramadhan :)

it's time to move on..

as the title above,
it's time to move on,
get out from your comfort zone.
that's what I wanna said to myself actually.

everything's seemed not challenging..
have I lost already the passionate and the spirit? =_=

I guess it's true when people said,
life is just like a wheel (huh,betul ke ni?)

sometime you go up, and sometime you're down..
things not gonna stay forever..

I really need to burn out this spirit..
and this song's really mean what I felt right now..

Fighting song by Arashi :

It's always good to go your way.
It's also better not to question it.
You are going to restart again, right?
You look good like this.

People are people, you are who you are.
When you compare yourself, you will be defeated.
You have the strength not to lose.
So you can break through any walls.

It's good to cry sometimes.
It's alright to show some weaknesses,
but do not get stuck there!
You can still achieve the dream you had before.

No matter how many words there are,
one word is enough.
First of all, try to take a step forward by yourself.
"Do your best." It's good to be simple.





yoshi!


sometime I do really felt down when i'm comparing myself to others.
but then..
I start to realize..
people are people, you are who you are
if we just keep comparing to others,
we will never go anywhere.. 


since I start this path,
I have already challenge myself to walk through it..
so I'm gonna do it till the end.
InsyaAllah..


and still everything on this earth is own by Allah..
He knows what's good on me..
I believe He have put me in all this condition and surrounding to make me more stronger so that I'll be able to face a more challenging environment..


move on,
don't get stuck there too long,
try to see a bright side at a different angle in whatever situation you are.
then you can solve the problems.