epilogue of prologue

all those who play on the field will have tasted defeat,

there's no player in this world who had not lost before,

however,

the BEST player will give everything he's got to stand up again,

the ORDINARY players take a while to get back on their feet,

while LOSER will remain flat on the field.

-Darrel Royal,former American footballplayer and coach-

(taken from Eye Shield 21 manga)

today was not one of my best, but still the experience teach me the best.

be strong, start running forward yuzuki. 

don't get trap inside it

your past, presence and future.
that is the period of time which all of us will be experience.
it also will be a period of time that people may trap inside it.

your past.
people may experience at least one big sad memories from their past which give them scar till now.
some of them may not be able to break and past over their past and being haunted by it till now.
but some may be able to.
those scary, sadness and hatred past,
when we keep thinking about it, we will go no where.
it will only makes people to be more weak.
thus, the first thing to do is let it pass and be forgiving to those that give you that scar.
forgive them is the best solution and you will realize that to hate someone is very exhausting thing to do.
said to yourself every night before you are going to sleep, "i forgive all those people who makes me sad, angry and miserable today and may Allah bless all of us".
if we had lost something or someone that was so precious to us, don't forget to pray " may Allah give me a better thing than this lost".
InsyaAllah.

your presence.
everyday we keep on experienced more and more things to be done, to be responsible to, to be more mature in our action and others.
in some point of time, we will get tired of this and just to get over with it we do other thing that we think may help us to forget the burden, but at the end bring us to have more problem.
some time, when we have a problem, we think that, "oh, my life is over", "i shouldn't do this and that", "now i just felt to sleep forever" (eh, is it exaggerated? =.=)
but we forgot that, before we experience this problem, we've experienced other problem that we once said the same thing like we said now.
and we forgot Allah is the one that help us solves the problem when we felt like "this is the end".
so, when you felt those feeling of hopeless, helpless, useless (and other less) remember, you still have Allah, the One that who still with you all the time.

your future.
everyone had dreams ( i guess at least a dream of to not get fat, though i eat a lot  )
sometime, we always afraid of the future.
we afraid if we cannot achieve our goal,
afraid of the result,
afraid of those doctors (is this consider?)
afraid of tomorrow.
but remember who is the one that hold our tomorrow?
it is Allah.
we may be say, " i will certain to do those things tomorrow", but we forget to say "InsyaAllah".
so, put our hope and trust  to Allah, to give us chance to improve our self and cleanse our sins.

so, our past, presence and future had been made by Allah.
to let it be in a good or bad way it's our choice.
don't get trap inside of only certain period of time and not moving anywhere.

use our past to help us be more matured in our action,
use our presence to use it wisely and to improve ourselves everyday,
use our future to hope that Allah will give us the best and chance to cleanse our sins.
InsyaAllah..

back to where you belong.

what is the hardest journey in your life?

is it the journey during your childhood..

or during teenager, which most of us start to find the meaning of this life.

or during the adult, with maybe a busy life you'll have and a lot of responsibilities.

guess what?
i think it was during the time we came into this world.

during the child birth.


it was the hardest journey i've seen..

it was a climax period where it involves the mother and the child's lives..
and if there is a small complication it can affect both lives..
the diameter of mother's pelvic should be wide enough for the baby to delivered.

when i see the mother was struggled to give birth to their children,
it was so unbearable to see.
on how they need to wait in about 8 hours before the birth canal is open for the baby to delivered..
and the hardest part is when the head of the baby need to be delivered..
as the head is the largest and hardest part in the delivery process, it need to get move out first..
and that is when the mother really struggle to push the baby out..

Subhanallah, by just watching how the process of delivery in the labour room will make you see the Greatness of Allah..

how the small creature was born from the mother..
and then being so an amazing creature Allah has made..
the human..


after all the struggling and crying in pain, the mother can still smile after see her baby..
Subhanallah..

how tough all the mother are..
that's why we need to always remember our mom and never make they sad..

so, have you called your mom today and ask how they feel?
are they healthy?
are they happy?
if not, try to make they happy..
if they are no longer here, pray for them..

in this break of time

it was a long time for my break..
from my previous post of course..

i'm back..
and the exam semester also comes together..
yeah, we're like a true companion..
wherever i am, there it was..
so sweet,
isn't it?

this semester was going to end..
i can say that it was a short period of time..
as i think i just complained on my friend not so long before,
on why did my semester start first..
and now it have come to end..

in this period of time,
i'm deal and communicate a lot with new people
and it was very interesting

though actually, it was not a new people..
as they are always in my surrounding,
but we're not that close,
so i can say it was new people for me as i just knowing their presence..
hehe..
sorry for those people..

this clinical year was tough than before.
i can say that, it need more stronger heart than knowledge..
hmm,
how to put it in words..
the knowledge can be gain in everywhere,same goes like in pre-clinical years..
but in clinical years,
you face the doctors, specialist, patient, community who expect you to know everything(though you are not actually)
so, the things like get mad by the specialist,
get ignored by the nurses and patients,
the harsh words thrown to you,
and the trauma after the long case examination are common.
of course the students experienced that at least once..
(kalau ada sesape yang xpernah rasa situasi itu, itu sangatlah WOW)

but actually everything pun depends on yourself..
to stand up back after all the bad situation comes to you..
to increase their effort and comes again with a high spirit.
that's why i'm saying you need to have a stronger heart to face all this situation..
nothing comes easy,man.
and ''no one can make you feel inferior without your consent''.

InsyaAllah, if what we do are all because for the purpose of Allah,
things are getting easier..
kena marah dengan doctor pun boleh senyum lagi..
kena reject dengan patient pun boleh datang lagi borak dengan patient.
( ke saya ni memang x de perasaan malu)
=.=

after all what happen,
it was a good experience..
not just because to be good in this work.
but also as a human being..
it helps to get me more stronger than before..
and remember that at the time i am hopeless,helpless, and no one can help me,
Allah always there for you..
InsyaAllah..


p/s:
yesterday i just got phone called from my patient's son,
saying my patient have no longer here..
Innalillahi wainnalillahiraji'un..

i was speechless at that time..
this is my first time facing this..
i mean, my first patient that i'm facing the situation like this..
and i remember how she was so active and very warm to us welcoming to her house.
her smile, it was very warm.
semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat..
Al-Fatihah..

selamat kembali ya Ramadhan..

mempersiapkan diri untuk menyambut Ramadhan..

semoga dipermudahkan segala urusan sepanjang bulan ini..
inilah masa untuk merawat segala kelukaan dan kekotoran hati yang dilakukan..
kita cuba yang terbaik..
redha Allah jualah yang kita harapkan..

grab this chance..
as we don't know do we have chance for the next ramadhan..
Subhanallah..
Maha Suci Allah..


"Kami memohon taubat kepada-Mu ya Allah,
Kami kembali kepada-Mu ya Allah,
Kami sesungguhnya menyesal atas perbuatan maksiat yang pernah kami lakukan"

loss..

the energy was drained away..
the spirit becoming shadow..
the focus loss it's sight..
the confidence loss it's ability..

Allah,please give me strength..

don't let me down so easily..

don't let me loss control of myself..
let me pass all of this with the Hikmah..

it's a running time with an adventure

it's getting tough everyday..
it's like a real new different world there..

i remember that the doctor said it
"in this 8 weeks you're gonna really had the toughest,hardest environment..but as long as it does not cause you to die, it's alright cause it will make you become tougher than before you are"

that's a really scary advice, yet it's quite burning my spirit too..

although it just only less than a week,we've entered the clinical years,
but i felt like this field have really give me many things to learn..
it's not all about medicine..
it's all about people..

it's not that you are find the disease,
but you're also find the humanity..

from there i can find there are many interesting things to learn..
because i'm meeting various type of person..
and i can get close to people which i cannot do before..

some of them are really give me a good advice..
to help us..
and even wish for our best..

it's really moving your heart,you know..
when people that you just approach said that he's wish for the best for us..
maybe because i felt like the one that giving me advice and all that treating us like their grandchild..

and you'll learn from there too,
that healthy is really a blessing given from God to us..
because when you are sick,there's nothing that you can do..

and some of them really is a positive thinker..
that they can said
"this sickness is one of  the way from Allah for us to cleansing our sins"

i mean there's really people that tough,
that they can accept their sickness..
and InsyaAllah, Allah gives a better things to them..

InsyaAllah i'm really need to work harder than before..
(i think most of the time i'm in pre-clinical student before, i'm only sleeping and not work harder) =_=

so,right now,i'll be running and running and running most of the time..

yet,everything is given from Allah,
and will be back to Allah..

that's the point that i should not forget all through this life..

let's do our best for this syaaban and coming ramadhan :)

it's time to move on..

as the title above,
it's time to move on,
get out from your comfort zone.
that's what I wanna said to myself actually.

everything's seemed not challenging..
have I lost already the passionate and the spirit? =_=

I guess it's true when people said,
life is just like a wheel (huh,betul ke ni?)

sometime you go up, and sometime you're down..
things not gonna stay forever..

I really need to burn out this spirit..
and this song's really mean what I felt right now..

Fighting song by Arashi :

It's always good to go your way.
It's also better not to question it.
You are going to restart again, right?
You look good like this.

People are people, you are who you are.
When you compare yourself, you will be defeated.
You have the strength not to lose.
So you can break through any walls.

It's good to cry sometimes.
It's alright to show some weaknesses,
but do not get stuck there!
You can still achieve the dream you had before.

No matter how many words there are,
one word is enough.
First of all, try to take a step forward by yourself.
"Do your best." It's good to be simple.





yoshi!


sometime I do really felt down when i'm comparing myself to others.
but then..
I start to realize..
people are people, you are who you are
if we just keep comparing to others,
we will never go anywhere.. 


since I start this path,
I have already challenge myself to walk through it..
so I'm gonna do it till the end.
InsyaAllah..


and still everything on this earth is own by Allah..
He knows what's good on me..
I believe He have put me in all this condition and surrounding to make me more stronger so that I'll be able to face a more challenging environment..


move on,
don't get stuck there too long,
try to see a bright side at a different angle in whatever situation you are.
then you can solve the problems.

writing back after survive from exam..

Dengan nama Allah Yang Maha Pemurah, Maha Panyayang...

Alhamdulillah..

Segala Puji bagi Allah...

berakhir sudah salah satu ujian yang dihadapi..

terima kasih Ya Allah kerana masih beri saya peluang mencuba dalam peperiksaan ini..

Alhamdulillah..

dalam ujian ini juga banyak pengajaran yang diberikan..

it may looks a simple-only-a-professional-examination..

but hidden inside there always a tsunami that people can't read outside..

in this 2 weeks for preparation for the exam,

I'm trying to focus on my study and trying my best to at least revise the things that I have learned..

and suddenly one day,

I've got one call  from my sister..

and she told me that my brother got an accident..

and he's being unconscious in one whole day..

his face is quite bad and as I'm being told he's fall on his head first.

that's a really shocking news I get

in the middle of becoming zombie for the examination things..

and this thing happen..

really..

maybe my sister can heard my voice really calm..

but she really doesn't know that there's already a storm and tsunami inside of me...

and at that time I really wanna go back..

and see him..

but I can't..

and during that time,

saya hanya berdoa kepada Allah semoga Allah ampunkan dosa-dosanya

dan beri cahaya ke dalam hatinya..

sentuhlah hatinya..

beri kekuatan dalam jiwanya..

saya tak tahu adakah ketenangan ini suatu anugerah yang Allah beri pada saya..

mungkin ianya adalah anugerah..

Alhamdulillah setakat ni dalam ujian-ujian yang diberikan pada saya,

saya masih dapat menenangkan diri

dan berfikir untuk menyelesaikan dahulu sebelum panik dan risau.

I wonder is this related with my emotionless personality..

or this heart is already become fibrosis with all the hurt and inflammation ,

and it become no more response on other stimulus..

apapun, 

Alhamdulillah Allah masih beri ketenangan dalam diri menghadapi semua ujian

walaupun dalam hati ini Allah sahajalah yang tahu bergelodak nya kerisauan..

Alhamdulillah..

I'm start changing myself lately..

that people can almost tell that I'm differ than before..

maybe because I'm start to isolate myself..

after some misunderstanding with my closed friends..

and at that time I start to realize this heart is longing for something..

it is not the same heart like before I am...

Alhamdulillah Allah masih memberi cahaya dalam hati ini

dan akhirnya saya faham apa yang hilang dalam hati saya..

saya hilang rasa dekat pada Allah...

saya rasa saya semakin jauh dari Nya...

hati saya rasa kosong...

mungkin luarannya people can still see me the same one..

but only the person itself knows there is something wrong inside..

Allahuakbar..

Allah Maha Besar...

Allah sahaja yg memegang hati hati kita...

Alhamdulillah hati ini masih disentuh Nya..

masih menghalang saya dari pergi jauh dari Nya...

saya cuba keluar dari jahiliyyah diri..

cuba untuk bersabar atas pandangan mereka atas perubahan saya..

(mungkin mereka terkejut dengan perubahan saya)

Alhamdulillah masih ada yg memberi galakan untuk saya terus melakukan perjuangan untuk berubah kerana Nya..

walaupun beberapa yang lain mula menjauhi...

saya Redha..

saya tahu Allah sentiasa bersama saya..

selalu mendengar rintihan saya..

dan Allah lah yang sangat dekat dengan saya..

masih memberi peluang untuk berubah..

Alhamdulillah..

pada waktu ini baru saya rasa kesusahan perjuangan mereka yang menegakkan Islam..

mungkin selama ini saya hanya dengar dan tahu,

tapi tidak pernah merasakannya..

walaupun perjuangan ini bukanlah sesusah zaman Rasulullah S.A.W. 

but believe me 

to get outside from something that you are used to and become a habit,

it's really hard..

because that NAFSU + SYAITAN that you need to fight..

to always encourage you to do something wrong...

hanya mereka yang mampu mengawal nafsu dan marahnya adalah orang yang paling kuat..

dan kekuatan itu hanya datang dari Allah..

Alhamdulillah...

moga Allah kuatkan hati saya

dalam istiqamah melakukan sesuatu perkara..

Segala Puji bagi Allah

yang masih memberi saya peluang mendekati Nya..

"Dan sungguh, Kami telah menciptakan manusia dan mengetahui apa yang dibisikkan oleh hatinya, dan Kami lebih dekat kepadanya daripada urat lehernya" [Surah Qaf ; ayat 16]

semoga Allah sentiasa menjaga hati-hati kita semua..

InsyaAllah..

musibah atau Hikmah?

Dengan nama Allah Yang Maha Pengasih, Maha Penyayang...

Assalamualaikum...

pada hari Jumaat yang mulia ini,

iaitu penghulu segala hari..

semoga Allah merahmati dan semakin bertambah iman di hati..

lately,

I've become quite sensitive,

yet it get me stronger..

Alhamdulillah mungkin hati ini semakin menjadi lembut dengan sentuhan Nya..

rasa masih disayangi Nya...

masih sentiasa mendengar pengaduanku..

masih selalu memujukku dengan kalam Allah di dalam Al Quran..

betullah apa yg dikatakan..

sesuatu musibah atau ujian itu adalah tanda kasih sayang Nya..

tidakkah kita terfikir..

bagaimana sesuatu yang menyedihkan itu mungkin menjadi kekuatan dalam diri?

let's think..

this is what i'm always saying to myself...

we would face many things in our way to reach the last day we are in this Earth...

yet we don't know what comes toward us..

is it the good thing or a bad thing... 

but as long as you have something that you can hold on in whatever situation you have,

then InsyaAllah you can survive on what you are doing..

and what you can hold on is actually Allah..

iaitu pencipta kita..

Tuhan Yang Maha Esa..

Yang Mengetahui segalanya tentang kita lebih dari diri kita sendiri..

"Tuhanmu lebih mengetahui tentang kamu.jika Dia mengkehendaki, niscaya Dia akan memberi rahmat kepadamu, dan jika Dia mengkehendaki , pasti Dia akan mengazabmu. Dan Kami tidaklah mengutusmu (Muhammad) untuk menjadi penjaga mereka"
[Surah Al-Isra', ayat 54]

Subhanallah...

sering kali kita lupa bila kita rasa sedih,

rasa keseorangan di bumi Allah ini,

rasa tak tahu apa yang harus dilakukan seterusnya,

rasa takut atas sesuatu..

bukankah kita masih ada Allah?

mintalah segalanya...

kembalilah kepada Nya...

sesungguh Nya Allah sentiasa menginginkan hamba-hamba Nya kembali bertaubat pada Nya,

dan mengharap pada Nya dalam apa jua pun keadaan...

"Cukuplah hanya Allah bagiku,

tiada Tuhan melainkan Nya,

hanya pada Nya ku berserah,

dan Dialah Tuhan yang memiliki Arasy Yang Besar"

itulah jawapannya,

bagaimana dengan kesedihan menjadi kekuatan..

kerana pada waktu itu kita rasa sedih, lemah, keseorangan, tak mampu..

pada waktu itulah kita rasa bahawa kita masih ada Allah di sisi kita..

yang tak pernah meninggalkan kita..

pada waktu itulah Dia menyentuh hati kita..

pada waktu itulah kita rasa kita tiada apa melainkan Allah..

pada waktu itulah kita rasakan diri ini hamba dan kita masih mempunyai Tuhan..

rasakanlah getaran hati sewaktu membaca Al-Quran..

kerana jika hati kita masih bergetar, tandanya masih ada iman dalam diri kita..

semoga Allah tabahkan hati ini dalam menghadapi apa jua ujian..

jika di dalam hati kamu ada Allah, kamu akan dapat segalanya..

jika di dalam hati kamu tiada Allah, kamu tidak akan dapat suatu pun...

sesungguhnya kebahagiaan sebenar itu adalah hati yang tenang dan sentiasa rindu akan Tuhannya...

InsyaAllah...

dunia hanya sementara..

"Apa yang ada di sisimu akan lenyap, dan apa yang ada di sisi Allah adalah kekal. Dan Kami pasti akan memberi balasan kepada orang yang sabar dengan pahala yang lebih baik dari apa yang telah mereka kerjakan"

[Surah An-Nahl; ayat 96]

Subhanallah...

and the toughers get going

"When the going gets tough,
the toughers get going,
the quitters  never win,
and the winners never quit"


there it is..
approach us closer..
the examination..

and things getting tension...
around us..
yet,i still can't feel the stress yet...
maybe this is one of the bad thing to be an expressionless person..

anyway,
i think everything we have in this world will be tested on...
one day it will...

and yet,the preparation still need to be done...

don't give up on it right now...
endure it..
because at the end, people that always be patient on what they doing will be granted with things that have higher values than right now...

sentiasa bersabar dan betulkan niat kembali dalam apa jua yg kita lakukan setiap hari, setiap detik..
betulkan niat kita kerana pahala pekerjaan itu ditentukan oleh niatnya..
InsyaAllah..

"Sesungguhnya Kami telah menjadikan apa yang ada di bumi sebagai perhiasan baginya, untuk Kami menguji mereka, siapakah di antaranya yang terbaik perbuatannya"
[Al-Kahf, ayat ke-7]

in every moment,remember it close to ur heart..

In these days...
I realize this thing...
the condition around me...
it's getting hot
and a lot of misunderstanding happen
between most of my friend here...

I don't know is this related with our close-coming-the-big-professional-preclinical examination..
(what a long name...pheww)
or anything else...

maybe the progesterone hormone is the one that make people getting hot..
as it causes increases in basal body temperature...
okay this one risk factor still can be considerate what. (=_=)"

or is it just us that become miserable by our own self...
and give the effect of that to people around us...

shouldn't be like that lah dear...
it's because they are the people that close to us,
and loving us...
it doesn't mean that we need to release everything to them,right?

I believe things will gonna be better..
by always thinking positive...
and remember that Allah is always with us...
ingatlah pada Allah, InsyaAllah hati kan menjadi tenang...

"pada saat gembira, pujilah Allah,
 pada saat sulit, carilah Allah,
 pada saat tenang, beribadahlah kepada Allah,
 pada saat duka, percayalah terhadap Allah..
 dalam setiap saat, bersyukurlah dan ingatlah pada Allah
 InsyaAllah hidup diberkati oleh-Nya.."






p/s:
just remember that we just got another 2 months
before we may get separated
when we reach clinical year..

it really makes me miss all the moment here,
with  the people here,
the scenery here..
and the sky that I always look up in the morning with my steps to reach the lecture hall.

really loves that moment...

to know and to understand thing..

Alhamdulillah, I've understood something again..

for every little things that happen to us..

for every what we need to do..

for every things that just happen to us..
the happy one,
the sad one..

for every decision that we need to make..
the smaller one,
the bigger one..

is always based on Allah..
hanyalah untuk mendapat keredaan Nya...

it looks simple isn't it?
maybe some of us had already learn this thing since small at school and by our parents...

like me...
the 'me' on my childhood is always a little girl with shyness..
with many thought that unexplainable...
every things happen surrounds me seems interesting and weird...
it just like I'm entering another world...

and the thing like 'what i need to do next' will never get crossed my mind...
because at that time I'm always have my mother around that can always answer most of my weird question...
all over and over again...
without bored she answered that thing...

and I realized when I'm still a child, things to be learn is always easily to understand...
it's just like a sponge that absorbs the water...
I bet most of us is the same like me at that time..

here,
the 'me' right now is kinda lost and always in confusing...
sometime the thing that I've already knew before can be something that I just understand and realize right now...

that's the differences..
to know and to understand..
it can't reach our heart..
with the thing that we know but we can't understand it...
because there will be an interruption of the information that we just get...

it just like a student that only memorize things inside the book right before the exam,
but when it comes to practical, none of the thing she read comes out to be present...

yes,I'm talking about myself...
things to change...
InsyaAllah...

with that,
I came to understand that when things come that makes me unsure and confused,
I need to refer back to Allah...
the One who creates me,
and the One that understand me the most...

kerana hanya Dia yang Maha Mengetahui atas setiap perkara yg berlaku...

p/s:
Alhamdulillah,result sem lepas sudah keluar..
hanya padaNya ku panjatkan kesyukuran..
sebab kalau nak diikutkan memang undefinable nak jawab exam yg lepas...
it's too unexpected question...
memang berserah sahaja...

Alhamdulillah, mungkin result ni juga sebagai ujian untuk menyedarkan bahawa saya bukan keseorangan dalam berusaha...
Allah sentiasa ada memberi petunjuk :)

here we go again

assalamualaikum...
long time I've left it without written here..

it's really a long time for everything to settle down..
I mean most everything...
the new sem..
and here it approach me closer..
the pre clinical exam
which make most of the student a bit trauma and got some acute myocardial ischaemia...

I'm not sure what to start..
but Alhamdulillah,things are getting better..
my emotion,my spirit..
it's kinda stable right now..
no more angina pectoris...

just for reminder..
for myself and others..

sometime kita rasa ada kekurangan dalam hati ni...
rasa lost..
hilang jap...
cuba review balik diri kita semula..
is there something got changed...
sometime kita tak perasan sesuatu tu berubah...
tengok2 memang hilang..
(bukan hide-and-seek tu ye...)
cubalah kita dekat kembali pada Allah...

kadang2 kita rasa kecewa..
bila kita rasa dah buat yg terbaik untuk sesuatu tapi tak dapat juga...
then,nak give up dah...
takpe,tu semua memang normal as human being...
tapi InsyaAllah ingat yg ni..

semoga sesuatu yang kita dah hilang atau kecewa itu,
Allah akan gantikan ia dengan sesuatu yang lebih baik...
InsyaAllah rasa tenang...

kita selalu dengar ayat ni kan..
(saya la yg selalu dengar tu)
tapi tak semua dakwah tu terkesan dalam hati...
lain orang,lain cara sentuhan hati pada Islam...

InsyaAllah,sebenarnya jalan pada Nya tu sentiasa ada,
cuma kita saja yg selalu menolak...

cuma saya rasa kalau bukan sekarang,
bila lagi saya nak berubah...

semoga kita semua tetap diteguhkan hati dan pegangan pada jalan yang diredai Allah...

i've got award from him :)

i got this..

award from Mr. Mamat 
to be his 100 follower..
thanx a lot...
:)
sorry for the late post...
i'm really appreciate it...
really thanx....

tak tau nak tulis ape lagi...
hope u always success in what u're doing..
and thanx for giving me this award..
it's an honor :)

hontonni arigatou gozaimasu

saya rasa terharu..

nasib baik tak menangis...

opps..

your life...try to figure it out..

things are not always gonna stay the same..
because the world is always spinning around..
and what we're doing right now can be a 360 degree change..
things on the upside can be turns down..
that's why we always need a preparation or a back up..

looking back right now..
how much do you prepare for your back up?
do you think you gonna always be on that comfort zone?
forever?

and when that day comes what do you think you gonna do?
trying to run and hide? maybe...
trying to blame others? maybe..
trying to be just like a robot?
a body without a soul..

always gonna talk about the past...

doing nothing

and just let things happen by it's own

without an effort 

but always hoping things are getting better..

life is not a fantasy my dear..

it's a reality...

and it's not forever...

cause it's just like a stopping center

with too many things looking sweet and beauty..

but it's not truly yours...

and if you smart enough..

you'll know when you're reaching your true destination,

there will be a truly things more beauty and more sweet,

than the one at the stopping center before..

then,you'll not forgot to reach your destination,

by getting tricky in that stopping center..

and being left out there,

before reaching where you should go actually..

so try to realize right now

try to clearly see right now
which one do you choose..
this temporary stopping center in this world
or the truly destination afterlife?

life can be tricky...
try to figure it out wisely...
then you'll see the truly...

p/s:
this is just me
trying to see what had she done
for her whole life
before she gonna reach that time
when nothing can be done..

accumulation of my cerebral cortex after the exam

o yeah...
selepas rasa ada increase intracranial pressure,
rupture of Circle of Willis,
unfunctioned Wernicke's area,
muscle crammed,
and needed all sort of antipsychotic drug
all the time during the exam's day,
now I felt much more calm and happy
though it still not as in euphoria state..
but it felt much more LEGA.....
after the exam...

yes,it's me...
student yang baru habis exam...
though everyone else had already enjoyed their holiday and getting into new sem..

result tu hanya boleh doa banyak banyak je....
InsyaAllah...
ujian tu sentiasa ada....
apa pun result tu,
I believe if I'm not getting it right now,
I'll get it somewhere else...
moga dimudahkan urusan dunia akhirat...
Amiinn....

right now rasa nak rest puas puas...
because after that things are getting harder...